Hi everybody! I thought I would give you some useful tips on how to spend as much money as possible on vehicles, especially for you lottery winners out there.
1. Buy new: Buy the newest vehicle you can, making sure that you purchase every "upgrade" available. Wipers that turn on when it rains? Oh yeah! Now you can save your self the strenuous task of flicking that switch when the first drops of water hits the window.
NEVER: Buy a good quality used vehicle more then three years old, but less than 12. By then, most of the "hit" in value has occurred, and you'll just end up saving money, which you will then be forced to spend on something useless, like food. You will also pay less for insurance, and then what will happen to the children of your broker? How will he pay for them to attend Harvard? They might have to settle for Brown, and it's all your fault.
2. Insure it against everything: Giraffe attack? It could happen! Solar flares? That could scorch the paint! Always get glass coverage, and hail coverage. Your $65,000 truck needs to be protected against all perils, and the payments will suck that dirty, dirty money from your overflowing bank account.
NEVER: Insure only against liability. That's for suckers. Most places charge a pittance for liability only, and who would want that? After all, we should be...
3. Drive like an @$$hole: Tickets are like showers of secret jealous adoration for your matchless driving ability. You should feel honored to send your $$$ to the coffers of our benevolent benefactors, but make sure you don't ever change your driving habits, it makes you look weak, and you will be eaten by bears.
NEVER: Drive defensively. That $65k truck will basically flatten every vehicle in sight, while you nap in luxury in the driver's seat, texting your other rich friend's butlers. Besides, more tickets, means higher insurance, and your broker can finally buy that swimming pool!
4. Borrow to make your purchase: Even the filthiest of the rich should be borrowing money they don't have. You can always pay it back tomorrow, and tomorrow never comes! You can't lose!
NEVER: Pay cash for a well researched used vehicle. You might accidentally touch something a poor person touched, and then you will have to shave your fingerprints off. Again.
Lastly..
5. Do not fix your own vehicle: Take it to the dealer! He will always charge you the most, and keep your vehicle forever, which means you can just drive your butler's car. Wear gloves though, you don't want to catch poverty from the steering wheel.
NEVER: Learn any basic mechanical skills, like oil changes and changing a tire. Always pay someone to do those things, so you can establish your position amongst the ultra-weathly. Lester McMonneyBaggs tried to do an oil change, and he got DIRT under his fingernails. Imagine his face when he went for his weekly manicure! That could be YOU!
*****So, this is intended to be a humorous how-to for people trying to save money on buying used cars. My family and I have saved thousands by following the NEVER advice above. Just today, unfortunately, my beloved farm truck died on the highway, and had to be towed back home. The head gasket gave out, and coolant (mixed with oil) found it's way to the roadway. After a short, but cold wait, we got towed back. Since I need a truck for the farm, I get to buy another one! I set myself a limit of $2000, and within a few hours I found a good used Chevy for $1700. It's not a luxury vehicle, but I'm not a luxury kind of guy. I don't mind a little rust, it is a farm truck after all. Best of all? The insurance is $380. Per year. The truck that just died lasted me about 6.5 years, and I paid about $4500 for it.
I also plan to keep that old truck, and put a new head gasket on it. It really needs more work than that, but I only want to get it back to running condition, then I will use it around the farm. If the new truck goes kaput, then I will have a back up!
Remember "Two is one, and one is none"
If you have no back up, then when the machine/device/item breaks, you will be out of luck.
Some thoughts from a poor country hick who would like my bank account to be overflowing with money NOT spent on vehicles!
Showing posts with label solutions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label solutions. Show all posts
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Alberta Floods: an on-the-ground perspective
Before I begin, let me first say that, although I did lose some things in the flood, my home and family were perfectly safe and dry here in my community (I don't live in Calgary), and we were not personally hurt. I've spoken to hundred of people who lost nearly everything, and most of them will never be able to get enough government help or insurance money to cover the loss. I feel so very bad for all of those people, and I've been praying for you every day! In Alberta, insurance does not cover flooding, obviously it would be useful, but flood insurance is very expensive, and is almost non-existent, at least for homes and cars.
On Friday, June 21st 2013, 10+ Alberta communities experienced flooding on a scale so devastating, that more than 30% of people had to be evacuated for their safety. One town, High River, was literally emptied. No living human was permitted to remain, on threat of arrest! It sounds drastic, but four people have already been confirmed dead, and the entire town was under water. The whole thing. 13,000 people may have lost homes, businesses, cars, and possessions, and a few lost their lives when the surge came through. A huge number of those homes were buried up to the roof in water, and those houses will almost certainly be torn down. I would not be surprised if the entire town was reduced in long-term population by half or more, simply because people cannot afford to rebuild! The idea is staggering, especially considering that High River is one of my favorite places to shop. It has (had) a nice grocery store, farm store, and it was small enough that you can cross the entire thing in minutes. I had friends there, who almost certainly are homeless right this second!
Well, I won't drag the "emotional" part out. You get the picture, and it sucks no matter what angle you see it from. Here is my perspective on flooding:
People are funny creatures. We have access to amazing technology, we can send pictures across the world in milliseconds, speak any language with the miracle of Google Translate, and access the sum total of human knowledge from a device that fits in your pocket, yet most of us use that technology to take pictures of our food, or make duck faces in a mirror. If I were Nikolas Tesla, who invented AC electricity, I would be clawing my way back from the grave to rampage mankind!
So, people have all this knowledge available, and yet we fail to use it. We fail to remember that the Bow River flooded in 1902, 1929, 2005 and minor flooding in many other years besides. We build houses, made from sawdust and glue, with some tarpaper on the outside, right next to a river that has flooded more than 3 times in the last CENTURY, and just flooded again! Not to kick poor High River when she's down, but they JUST had a massive flood that caused major damage, perhaps 4 years ago. They called that one a "100 year flood", as if God had some kind of sand timer, and every 100 years he floods the river, and flips it over. That kind of arrogance means that we place buildings so close to the river, that people can walk out their back door and stand on the bank. Even if these flood occurred exactly 100 years apart, you are practically guaranteeing that your house will be flooded!
Insurance companies understand this much better than the rest of us. The very reason that flood insurance is so expensive, is that flooding is virtually GUARANTEED to happen. The only people who would buy the insurance, are the very same ones who build their house right next to water that has flooded in the past, and is guaranteed to flood again. I wouldn't sell insurance for that!
There are two kinds of flooding. First, it rains, and rains, and rains. The water simply cannot drain off quickly enough, and it starts stacking up, starting with the lowest level, ie, your basement. The watershed has a natural limit to its drainage, and this exceeds that. The flooding occurs in all low lying areas, but everyone gets a little taste of it, either in your basement, blocked storm drains, or leaky roofs. The biggest danger is in cities with lots of collection area, and lots of hills. The storm water starts barrelling through, and ends up blasting out manhole covers, flooding underpasses, or causing mudslides.
Then, you have flooding caused by someone else's rain. In Alberta, it only rained 36 mm in Calgary, but more than 140 mm in the mountains, which are the highest point. The water flows through the watershed in a "surge" and reaches the lowest level, ie, the basement of my office in downtown Calgary (true story). By that time, it has collected so much extra glop, that it resembles a mudslide, and leaves a 4 inch layer of silt when it leaves!
In "primitive" times, people did their farming, and planting on these flood plains. When the rivers flooded, the silt brought all kinds of minerals and nutrients, building fertility. It's no secret that flood plains are the most fertile land in the world. The main difference today, is that we now build houses on those same floodplains. I would like to suggest that this might be foolish, when combined with the following other facts: we have all kinds of technology to prevent flood water from entering our homes, and we aren't using ANY of it! The Netherlands was actually built on reclaimed seabed. Something like 40% of the land is below sea level, and is held back by dikes. Vancouver has built a kind of "seawall" around some of it's more vulnerable areas to protect from flood waters. We are capable of constructing dams that can hold massive amounts of water and last for a century. We can divert rivers, stop them up, or widen them. But, we didn't, and we paid the price! $100,000,000 in damage so far, and almost certainly many, many times that. A permanent flood wall may have cost $10,000,000, and would have been worth every penny.
Even temporary solutions seemed to have been ignored:
Many companies are selling a long rubber tube that can be filled with water, and braced in place to nearly block all flood waters. Other products include lightweight sandbags that absorb 20 times their weight in water, and can be stacked in minutes by one person. Placed around vulnerable doors and windows, $200 worth of these "sandbags" can prevent water from infiltrating into a basement, and could save the homeowner untold thousands.
I should probably quit while I'm ahead...after all, I deliberately left personal belongings inside my office KNOWING that it was at risk of flooding. It was only a couple small items, shoes etc, but I could have easily moved them. I simply didn't believe that the river could possibly get that high.
I have learned my lesson, Creator. I will never be so arrogant again. I hope that none of us will.
POSTSCRIPT
I would like to send some virtual High Fives to some heroes who showed real love to their neighbors, even putting their own lives in danger:
Cochrane Fire Dept - Not sure how you guys can even walk with those balls of steel, but you literally saved people lives, at the huge risk of your own! Wading into deep moving water is usually pretty inadvisable, but with no thought to your own lives, you saved many more.
High River RCMP/Sheriffs - 48 hours of hell, and it's still going. Good work, again, you literally saved lives, and you've watched your own homes disintegrate as well...
Calgary Civilians - Those people who the first thing they asked me, is "Where can I volunteer to help?" Mr Pond, Mr Hallett, your selfless attitudes are commendable.
Regular people with Couches - And, who offered those couches to the people displaced, no matter where they were from, and who they were!
Mayor Nenshi, City of Calgary - I got the distinct impression that you really cared about your city, and you kept everyone informed. That kind of devotion surely cost you something that you didn't have to give, and sets you apart from other politicians.
Calgary Fire/EMS/CPS/Transit - You did your job, and you did it well, even when your own homes were certainly at risk. Like me, I'm sure most of you wish you could have done more, but none of us knew that it would get THAT BAD!!!
I know that so many have done so much, and sorry that I didn't mention you, but you know who you are!
On Friday, June 21st 2013, 10+ Alberta communities experienced flooding on a scale so devastating, that more than 30% of people had to be evacuated for their safety. One town, High River, was literally emptied. No living human was permitted to remain, on threat of arrest! It sounds drastic, but four people have already been confirmed dead, and the entire town was under water. The whole thing. 13,000 people may have lost homes, businesses, cars, and possessions, and a few lost their lives when the surge came through. A huge number of those homes were buried up to the roof in water, and those houses will almost certainly be torn down. I would not be surprised if the entire town was reduced in long-term population by half or more, simply because people cannot afford to rebuild! The idea is staggering, especially considering that High River is one of my favorite places to shop. It has (had) a nice grocery store, farm store, and it was small enough that you can cross the entire thing in minutes. I had friends there, who almost certainly are homeless right this second!
Well, I won't drag the "emotional" part out. You get the picture, and it sucks no matter what angle you see it from. Here is my perspective on flooding:
People are funny creatures. We have access to amazing technology, we can send pictures across the world in milliseconds, speak any language with the miracle of Google Translate, and access the sum total of human knowledge from a device that fits in your pocket, yet most of us use that technology to take pictures of our food, or make duck faces in a mirror. If I were Nikolas Tesla, who invented AC electricity, I would be clawing my way back from the grave to rampage mankind!
So, people have all this knowledge available, and yet we fail to use it. We fail to remember that the Bow River flooded in 1902, 1929, 2005 and minor flooding in many other years besides. We build houses, made from sawdust and glue, with some tarpaper on the outside, right next to a river that has flooded more than 3 times in the last CENTURY, and just flooded again! Not to kick poor High River when she's down, but they JUST had a massive flood that caused major damage, perhaps 4 years ago. They called that one a "100 year flood", as if God had some kind of sand timer, and every 100 years he floods the river, and flips it over. That kind of arrogance means that we place buildings so close to the river, that people can walk out their back door and stand on the bank. Even if these flood occurred exactly 100 years apart, you are practically guaranteeing that your house will be flooded!
Insurance companies understand this much better than the rest of us. The very reason that flood insurance is so expensive, is that flooding is virtually GUARANTEED to happen. The only people who would buy the insurance, are the very same ones who build their house right next to water that has flooded in the past, and is guaranteed to flood again. I wouldn't sell insurance for that!
There are two kinds of flooding. First, it rains, and rains, and rains. The water simply cannot drain off quickly enough, and it starts stacking up, starting with the lowest level, ie, your basement. The watershed has a natural limit to its drainage, and this exceeds that. The flooding occurs in all low lying areas, but everyone gets a little taste of it, either in your basement, blocked storm drains, or leaky roofs. The biggest danger is in cities with lots of collection area, and lots of hills. The storm water starts barrelling through, and ends up blasting out manhole covers, flooding underpasses, or causing mudslides.
Then, you have flooding caused by someone else's rain. In Alberta, it only rained 36 mm in Calgary, but more than 140 mm in the mountains, which are the highest point. The water flows through the watershed in a "surge" and reaches the lowest level, ie, the basement of my office in downtown Calgary (true story). By that time, it has collected so much extra glop, that it resembles a mudslide, and leaves a 4 inch layer of silt when it leaves!
In "primitive" times, people did their farming, and planting on these flood plains. When the rivers flooded, the silt brought all kinds of minerals and nutrients, building fertility. It's no secret that flood plains are the most fertile land in the world. The main difference today, is that we now build houses on those same floodplains. I would like to suggest that this might be foolish, when combined with the following other facts: we have all kinds of technology to prevent flood water from entering our homes, and we aren't using ANY of it! The Netherlands was actually built on reclaimed seabed. Something like 40% of the land is below sea level, and is held back by dikes. Vancouver has built a kind of "seawall" around some of it's more vulnerable areas to protect from flood waters. We are capable of constructing dams that can hold massive amounts of water and last for a century. We can divert rivers, stop them up, or widen them. But, we didn't, and we paid the price! $100,000,000 in damage so far, and almost certainly many, many times that. A permanent flood wall may have cost $10,000,000, and would have been worth every penny.
Even temporary solutions seemed to have been ignored:
Many companies are selling a long rubber tube that can be filled with water, and braced in place to nearly block all flood waters. Other products include lightweight sandbags that absorb 20 times their weight in water, and can be stacked in minutes by one person. Placed around vulnerable doors and windows, $200 worth of these "sandbags" can prevent water from infiltrating into a basement, and could save the homeowner untold thousands.
I should probably quit while I'm ahead...after all, I deliberately left personal belongings inside my office KNOWING that it was at risk of flooding. It was only a couple small items, shoes etc, but I could have easily moved them. I simply didn't believe that the river could possibly get that high.
I have learned my lesson, Creator. I will never be so arrogant again. I hope that none of us will.
POSTSCRIPT
I would like to send some virtual High Fives to some heroes who showed real love to their neighbors, even putting their own lives in danger:
Cochrane Fire Dept - Not sure how you guys can even walk with those balls of steel, but you literally saved people lives, at the huge risk of your own! Wading into deep moving water is usually pretty inadvisable, but with no thought to your own lives, you saved many more.
High River RCMP/Sheriffs - 48 hours of hell, and it's still going. Good work, again, you literally saved lives, and you've watched your own homes disintegrate as well...
Calgary Civilians - Those people who the first thing they asked me, is "Where can I volunteer to help?" Mr Pond, Mr Hallett, your selfless attitudes are commendable.
Regular people with Couches - And, who offered those couches to the people displaced, no matter where they were from, and who they were!
Mayor Nenshi, City of Calgary - I got the distinct impression that you really cared about your city, and you kept everyone informed. That kind of devotion surely cost you something that you didn't have to give, and sets you apart from other politicians.
Calgary Fire/EMS/CPS/Transit - You did your job, and you did it well, even when your own homes were certainly at risk. Like me, I'm sure most of you wish you could have done more, but none of us knew that it would get THAT BAD!!!
I know that so many have done so much, and sorry that I didn't mention you, but you know who you are!
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